Tom Lawrence: Struggles.

My first day off in 7 days (SEVEN) was spent shopping all. fucking. day.

You guys, I hate shopping. Probably more than anyone has a right to. Like, if I’m shopping for a book, cool. If I’m shopping for school supplies, awesome.

But clothes, shoes, dorm stuff, bedspreads, sheets (OH MY GOD SHEETS), plastic storage tubs, JEANS…I cannot handle it, or myself, accordingly.

Too many options, too many decisions. I want that, I don’t really need it. I need that, but it’s ugly. I don’t have to get this right now. Etc., etc.

What I didn’t understand however, is that you learn a lot about yourself as a person during this expreience. It is the modern day spirit journey.
A few things that enriched and enlightened my day, as well as some highlights:
1.) I have the attention span of a 6 year old.
2.) I have a hard time adjusting the volume of my voice to fitting room music accordingly. I’m sometimes too loud, but mostly too quiet which leads my mother to asking me to repeat myself , well, repeatedly and making me want to strangle her with one of the seven pairs of leggings I was coerced into trying on because I can’t say no to sales people.
3.) Apparently standing in the middle of the Gap with a pile of jeans, all a size too small or too big, and silently weeping while pulling your hair, is an alarming experience to the sales associates.
4.) Repeating the above performance in front of the Gap Body bras is equally alarming to the general public.
5.) When you can see the open floor of the store from your fitting room, the floor CAN see you and your slouchy tank you forgot to button over the bra you are trying on. People will see your fancy new bra. You will curl into the fetal position in shame.
6.) I have no idea how to buy underwear.
7.) There are no jeans short enough to fit me perfectly.
Sales Girl: Oh wow, those look great! Maybe you should try a regular though, not a long.
Me: These are a short.
Sales Girl: ……Oh, honey.
8.) The emotional toll will cause you to have an argument with a stranger in front of the musical card selection at Kohl’s.
9.) A male cashier WILL try to give you a “special discount”. You’ll politely decline, but will not be able to shake off the shame.
10.) You will play a game of hide and seek with a strangers’ toddler in a desperate attempt to keep from looking at any more quilts or duvet covers.

I mean, basically I learned I’m almost 20 years old and a highly incompetent individual. And I need to hire someone to buy jeans, underwear, and bras for me. Let me know where that can happen.
Also, did I mention we left at 11am and just got back at 10:30 p.m.?
Fuuuuccckkk. I’m going to go play Ocarina of Time and pretend like none of this happened.